you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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