They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
