then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
handjob tips. give me some.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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