question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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