I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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