I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
