a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
