I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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