my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
