FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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