It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize