He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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