dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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