You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
