That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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