omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
