Kareoke will never be a sober sport
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
