I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
