I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
