I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
