idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
