some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
