the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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