It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
