I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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