i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
