I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
