Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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