I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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