Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
