Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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