What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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