Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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