I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
