seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
