I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
