Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
