I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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