Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
