The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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