he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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