i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
