So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
