There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
