I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My hand turned me down
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
