just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
