Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
