I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
