that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
