can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
