I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
