she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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