Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
