So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
