If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize