I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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