I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
