She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
