what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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