Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
