I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
