I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
