The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
