I CAN MOONWALK!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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