Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
