I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
