well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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