508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
