I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
