I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
