He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
