i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
