dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
