I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
