matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
