and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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