isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
