took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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