This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
