i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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