just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
