HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
