i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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