I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
