Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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