So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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