so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
