im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
