not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
