Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
