He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
