btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
either way he was missing a nipple.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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