Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
