Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize