Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Randomize
