I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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