But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm like, not good at living.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize