you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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