I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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