I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I could make wine with my vomit
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
