i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Be still, my beating vagina.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
